Can I see my child at Christmas?

For divorced or separating parents, child arrangements throughout the festive period can be stressful, emotional and strained. For many, communication becomes impossible in an already upsetting situation.

At times like this, it’s important for the children involved that Christmas arrangements become normal - there’s no single right answer to what it should look like, but the children or child should always be the priority.

It's not too late. Even in December, early legal advice can calm a situation fast. You don't need to respond to pressure, intimidation or confusion alone.

We will help you find a way forward.

What makes divorce and the festive period so difficult?

The festive period amplifies everything: emotions, expectations, logistics and any existing tension. Disagreements over the key dates like Christmas Day and Boxing Day and any last-minute change in plans all add pressure but it’s important for the wellbeing of the children that any ‘handover’ time isn’t swirling with anxiety.

It’s understandable that those experiencing change for the first time over Christmas feel judged or let down, or even as though they’re letting other people down, but it’s all about establishing a new sense of normal for what works best for you and your family in the early stages of divorce, and setting realistic boundaries.

For newly separated couples it’s hard to know or understand what’s normal or even fair, that’s why good, clear communication between you and the other parent is key to keeping things manageable and so that there’s no ‘grey area’ when it comes to child arrangements over Christmas.

What does normal look like?

There's no single right answer. Normal for separating or divorced couples with children can look very different from one family to the next, and it’s important that you don’t try to mirror someone else’s situation. Just because it works for them doesn’t mean it’s right for you. Arrangements that you might want to consider are:

• Alternating years: Christmas with one parent this year, the other next year
• Split days: Christmas Eve with one parent, Christmas Day with the other (or morning/afternoon splits)
• Extended time: Longer visits during school holidays to balance things out
• Flexibility: if Christmas falls midweek, adjusting around work and travel.

What matters is that any decisions or agreements are child-focused, fair over time, and realistic. Courts don't expect perfection. They expect you to prioritise your children's stability and their relationship with both families.

What about when communication has broken down?

If direct contact with your ex has become hostile, manipulative or impossible, all is not lost and you still have options:

• Stick to written messages only like emails or text messages — no phone calls unless necessary
• Ask someone neutral to help coordinate (family member, mediator, solicitor)
• Keep a record of everything: messages, proposals, responses
• Stop negotiating if you're being pressured or worn down and speak to your solicitor.

If safety is a concern

Where there has been domestic abuse, coercive control, or risk to you or your children, you are not required to agree to contact that feels unsafe.

Your solicitor is best placed to guide you through the circumstances that can help you come to a formal agreement on child arrangements. If safety is a concern and you already have agreements in place:

• Arrange handovers in public places: supermarket car parks, police stations, contact centres, for example. Additionally, you could ask someone you trust to be there with you
• Request supervised contact if there's ongoing risk
• Apply for a non-molestation order if you're being harassed. Seek a Prohibited Steps Order if you're worried about abduction or relocation.

If there's a more urgent or immediate safety risk, you can apply to court urgently. Even in December emergency applications must be heard within days. Your solicitor can help you with this.

We regularly support people who have experienced abuse, so rest assured that you won't be judged, doubted or dismissed.

Understanding your legal position

Family law is built around one principle: the child's best interests. Courts consider:

• The child's physical, emotional and educational needs 
• Their relationship with both parents
• Any harm they've suffered or are at risk of
• How capable each parent is of meeting their needs
• The child's own wishes (depending on age and understanding).

For Christmas contact, courts generally expect both parents to have meaningful time unless there's a safeguarding reason not to. But “meaningful" doesn't always mean equal. It means appropriate.

If you don't have a court order, you're both entitled to spend time with your children. But if one parent refuses contact or breaks agreed arrangements, you can apply for a Child Arrangements Order. This sets out where children live and when they see each parent.

Applications usually take weeks or months in some cases. Urgent cases can be heard sooner, and the cost can vary. We'll always be upfront and honest with you about what's involved and what can realistically be achieved.

Red flags: when to act now

Some situations can't wait. Contact us immediately if:

• There are threats to withhold the children or cancel contact without reason
• Your ex is talking about taking the children abroad without your consent
• Controlling or threatening behaviour is escalating
• An existing court order is being breached
• You have serious concerns about children's safety.

These need legal intervention, and it should be done quickly before the situation escalates. Whether you're facing high conflict, safety concerns or a simple breakdown in communication, we can help you

What happens after Christmas?

Once the festive period is over, take time to reflect and discuss, if that’s an option, what worked? What didn't? What caused stress?

If informal arrangements keep breaking down, it may be time to formalise them. Mediation or a court order will give you and your family clarity and reduces further conflict because everyone knows where they stand.

We can help you put suitable, sustainable arrangements in place for the year ahead that also protect your children's and your boundaries

New year, new start…

It might seem like overplanning, but it’s best to start any child arrangement conversations early if that’s an option and if communication hasn’t broken down. Give yourself and the other parent enough time to negotiate and agree times, dates and locations and be sure to include travel arrangements in your conversations, so that there’s no ambiguity over who’s going where and with whom.

I would also advise setting expectations around gifts and any traditions that you want to maintain between you. All this can aid a smoother transition into coparenting for years to come.

Remember, if there’s no protective orders or bail conditions in place, there is nothing to prevent you from talking to each other. A simple message proposing a date(s) can be enough.

It is important to only consider certain arrangements if it suits your lifestyle and if it meets your expectations. There are parenting apps that others do find useful as a tool for successful coparenting, but I would strongly advise researching first before you rely on something that you’re not familiar with or share your personal data.